Ryan's Rants - Installment #11

I find myself finding getting irritated by many things. With that being said, I thought it would be quite cathartic for me to write a series of weekly articles in which I rant about the various things that annoy me.

I know this has nothing really to do with Fantasy Football, but hell, it's my website, I can do what I want.

Here is the 11th installment of "Ryan's Rants" :

1. Al's Annoying Friend - A few weekends ago I went down to one of my better friend's new apartment in the south loop of Chicago. I hadn't seen him in a while, so I was excited to come down and hang out with him. When I got there, there were only a couple of people challaxin' at his place. My best friend Josh and his woman, Emily, and a friend of Al's who I had never met before. I introduced myself and he replied back that his name was "William" (I later found out that everyone just called him Zola). At first, I found "Zola" tolerable. But an hour or so into playing beer pong and chatting, I could tell he was a douche. Number one, he wouldn't shut up about how great The Who was and how they were "the greatest band of all-time" and how Pete Townshend was the "greatest guitarist of all-time." This was extremely annoying to me for multiple reasons. First, I hate when people speak in terms of absolutes. Music is largely opinion-based and therefore it is quite fruitless to argue who is the best band/artist of all-time. Secondly, nobody that knows anything about music would label Pete Townshend the greatest guitarist of all time. Off the top of my head, I can name many other guitarists that deserve that consideration before Townshend (Clapton, Hendrix, Stevie Ray Vaughan). And although The Who is a great band, it's a strech in most people's minds to think they are the greatest band ever. When I mentioned this however, Zola was hearing nothing of the sort. He stood firm to his beliefs and was totally unreasonable in his arguing and made no good points.

Even Pete Townshed himself conceded that Jimi Hendrix was the greatest guitarist of all time in this Rolling Stone article which was part of Rolling Stone's piece on the 100 greatest guitarists of all time.

2. Booger Picker/Eater Guy- I was on the bus the other morning heading to work and there was this guy standing next to me the whole time. He seemed normal enough. He was decently dressed and wasn't acting unusual. However, about 10 minutes into the bus ride, I noticed he picked his nose. I thought, "whatever, not a big deal." Then a minute later, he picked his nose again and this time I thought I saw him eat it. I refused to believe this had actually happended and waited for another opportunity to see if he was actually eating his schnozberry or if I just saw an illusion. A few minutes went by and I saw him enter his nasal cavity again and plunge his finger sneakily into his mouth hoping no one would notice. But I noticed. And I almost threw up.

Seriously, who eats boogers? Why would you ever do such a thing? Do they taste delicious? Doubt it. Do they have great nutritional value? I don't think so. Is it extremely gross? Absolutely. So, my message to you booger picker/eater guy is STOP. Stop eating your boogers, please.

3. Chipotle Workers - I remember my first visit to Chipotle quite well. It was the summer of 2006 and it was at Summerfest Music Festival in Milwaukee, WI. There was a ridiciously long line of people waiting to get food after the main headlining concert of the night. All of my friends had spoken of and raved about the greatness of Chipotle. I had personally never been there and or even heard of it at the time. After waiting about 15 minutes in line, I finally got to the place where you order. Not a millisecond had past when the Chipotle worker screamed incoherently at me. I, never having been to Chipotle, had no f'in idea what he was talking about when he said "blackpinto." I thought what the hell is blackpinto? Meanwhile all of my "friends" are laughing their asses of. I finally figured out that he was asking me what type of beans I wanted. Then we moved out to the types of salsas and the whole process repeated itself.

What is it about Chipotle workers that makes them unable to speak English properly. It is because the have to say the same thing to hundreds of people each and every day and therefore just start combining words together to make things go faster (i.e. a Chipotle shorthand)?

I just moved to Chicago and Chipotles are everywhere. And I still haven't found one that has a worker that speaks slowly and coherently.

Every once in a while I have a person in front of me that is visiting Chipotle for the first time and suffering through the same experience I had way back in the summer of 2006. I laugh and join in with the other people waiting in line telling the person to hurrying up.

I've come to realize that it's sort of a rite of passage for first-time Chipotle eaters to suffer through ordering a meal.

4. "The Viking" - My friend and his girlfriend went out to a bar called the Red Ivy in Wrigleyville the other weekend. Being new to the city, it was my first time at the bar, but I had heard pretty good things. Upon arriving, we grabbed some expensive drinks and headed to the dancefloor. We were having a good time dancing until the man we started to call "The Viking" came along. This guy was probably 6'2 or 6'3 and had long blonde hair and was "trying" to hit on every thing with a vagina (entirely unsuccessfully). He must have pinballed between 10-20 girls on the night and got completely rejected by all of them.

Why am I ranting about this guy? Because. It's guy's like this who ruin it for all of the other single guys in the bar. He successfully managed to turn off almost every girl in the bar and make her paranoid of any guy that approached them. Nice going Viking guy.

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