Ryan's Rants - Installment #8

I find myself finding getting irritated by many things. With that being said, I thought it would be quite cathartic for me to write a series of weekly articles in which I rant about the various things that annoy me.

I know this has nothing really to do with Fantasy Football, but hell, it's my website, I can do what I want.


It's been awhile since I've written some rants and I must admit, I've missed them quite a bit. I've been extremely busy the last couple of months with work and haven't had time to sit down and expell my thoughts. I can feel my state of mind improving already :).

Here is the 8th installment of "Ryan's Rants" :


1. Annoying Customers - Outside of my life as a fantasy football writer, I work part-time in the electronics department at a national retail store. I've held this position for going on six years and work among some of the more knowledgeable electronics employees in the company. I believe that I have a high enough level of expertise to have a valued and trusted opinion concerning electronics.

I was prompted to write this rant after years of dealing with unknowledgeable, and often times, just plain dumb customers. Most of the customers I deal with are 40+ years old, so I give them some slack when it comes to knowing or in this case, not knowing technology. However, there is a certain level of common sense that some of these shoppers seem to lack.

For example, I've been asked the following questions by customers (more than once in most cases):

Dumb Question #1
Customer: "Does this TV come with a remote?"

My response: Yes
My desired response: "No, it doesn't. You have to manually walk up and "turn the knob" on this $2,500 55" Plasma HDTV. O, and it only gets 12 channels. Unless, you get VHF and then you get a couple more."

Honestly, what year do these people think we live in? The TV remote was invented in the mid 1950's and was in wide use by the 1980's. Get with the times.


Dumb Question #2
Customer:
"Does the TV come with the pedestal stand?"

My response:
Yes
My desired response: "No, we make you pay for that separately. That will be $40.00."

This question is almost as dumb as the first. How the hell is the TV going to stand up without a pedestal stand? Do you really think manufacturers would really make you pay extra for something like that? C'mon.

The one thing that pisses me off more than customers who ask dumb questions, is the "know-it-all" customer. This type of customer thinks he's the Albert Einstein of TVs because he went online and read a CNET article from 2008 explaining the "differences between an LCD and a Plasma." Or even better, they read Consumer Reports. 95% of the time these customers know nothing about what they are talking about. And they always seem to hate plasmas. When I probe them (figuratively speaking) as to why they think LCDs are better than plasmas, here are their typical responses:

"Dem darn plasmas burn in" - FALSE. Although plasmas have the possibility for burn in, the incident rate is extremely low. In fact, in the six years I've been in the business, I don't think I have ever seen burn in (image retention on the other hand is a different story).

Additionally, during the last couple of years, manufacturers have developed numerous safeguards to protect against this type of problem. So even if you're an idiot and leave a static image on the screen for hours on end, day after day, it will likely not be permanent.

"You need to refill or recharge or re-something the gas inside them there plasmas" - False you fool. The ionized gas within plasmas can't be recharged even if it needed to be.

"Them plasmas don't last as long as LCDs" - Wrong again Sunny. A typical plasma panel life is estimated at 60,000 hours (7 hours a day=21 years). With some upper range panels being estimated at 100,000 hours. Furthermore, the plasma repair rate is quite similar to that of LCDs.

"Plasmas cost more" - Geez, aren't you tired of being wrong. On average, plasmas are cheaper than LCDs. Although this price gap has narrowed substantially over the last few years.

"Well, I just don't like them" - Well I just don't like you.

These same "know-it-all" customers are the same people who refer to HDMI as "HMDI" or LCD televisions as "LSD" televisions. How can you screw up that second one? LCDs have been around long enough to become part of the cultural nomenclature.


2. Bathroom Cleaning Lady - I never use to drink coffee. However, they have free coffee at my job, so I started drinking it. I like it, but it makes me have to pee about 3 times before noon rolls around. This is annoying enough in and of itself. But the "bathroom cleaning lady" makes it that much more annoying.

Our cleaning crew usually comes in at night to do all the cleaning, but our company, in an effort to be green, now has the janitors do their cleaning during the day. This started about a month ago and every time I go to the bathroom in the morning, it is out of order for cleaning. Every time. Honestly, how many times do you need to clean a bathroom before noon? We have motion-censored toilets and sinks and enough water pressure to suck even the biggest of turds down the toilet without a second thought.

So now when I drink coffee and have to pee, I have to take the stairs up to the 4th floor bathroom in order to pee. Thanks a lot "bathroom cleaning lady."


3. Hot Girls Who Are With Ugly Dudes - In all honesty, it took me a long time to figure out how to write this section of my rants. And I'm still not sure if I properly explained this peeve of mine in a straightforward and purposeful manner. But I really don't care at this point because this needs to be said.

Speaking from an average looking guy's perspective, there aren't many things that are more annoying or frustrating then seeing a beautiful woman who is dating a man who looks like he got stabbed in the face with a soldering iron. It just isn't right. It goes against the very laws of nature. There are no possible worlds in which a woman who registers as an 8 on the beauty scale should be with a guy who measures as a 3.

Now I understand that there are other things that factor into one's attractiveness besides looks. Humor, generosity, wealth, penis size, and talent also contribute to a man's overall attractiveness. But let's be honest, a person's looks make up a significant portion of one's "attractiveness" and are typically our first judgment of "mates."


With this being said, the maximum allowable difference in beauty points in my opinion should be no greater than 3.5 points on a ten point scale. Anything more than this is just too much for any man to make up through the other aforementioned ways (wealth, humor, penis size). The scales will still be tipped too heavily to one side.

Obviously there is a certain amount of subjectivity that goes into judging another person's appearance. However, most people are intuitive enough to realize that Brad Pitt is a better looking man than John C. Reilly (at least according to current societal norms and expectations). These wide deviations in personal appearance are the anomalies I am referring to when I talk about the imbalance of attractiveness between boyfriend and girlfriend.

Some readers may argue that I should just be happy for these homely-looking brotheren and rejoice that they have managed to dupe some super hot chick into "being with them." But I won't. I can't. At the very least those hot chicks should be with us average looking guys. I feel as though there is some "sexual welfare" going on in this country. The fat, lazy guys with no personalities that sit around and do nothing all day are getting hot chicks handed to them. Will the underprivileged, average-looking guys that bust their ass to make themselves appear semi-attractive get nothing but denial and rejection.

Maybe I should just get really fat and lazy and then these hot women will feel sorry for me and give me a sympathy bang hug and even maybe date me!


Lastly, for your amusement, here is a list of the top "hot girl with ugly guy" couples.

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6 comments :

MattV said...

Hahaha! That was an awesome, incisive, righteously indignant, well-written rant... and that whole inexplicable, excruciatingly rampant "hot girls who are with ugly dudes" phenomenon definitely rings true to me. It's some maddening cosmic conspiracy against us average looking guys. We will rise.... one day.. eventually... *sighs* we can only hope.

MattV said...

Oh, and Katy Perry + Russell Brand qualifies for inclusion on that website as well, lol.

Anonymous said...

Hahaha... man I used to work at Circuit City a few years back and I really hear you on the customer comments...

Anonymous said...

As one of those fat, lazy and even unemployed guys with a much hotter chick, I thank you for the kind words. As if being with a hot chick wasn't great enough, knowing that it drives you crazy is the icing on the cake...mmmm...or should I have said that it's gravy...mmmm. So, the next time you sell me and my hot girlfriend one of those big, flat-screen TVs I want you to just guess what the two of us will be doing in front of that TV as we watch one of those adult only pay-per-view...mmmmm.

Anonymous said...

Do you people have a facebook fan page? I looked for one on twitter but could not discover one, I would really like to become a fan!

Ryan Sitzmann said...

@Anonymous
Here is a link to The IDP Guru fan page: http://www.facebook.com/#!/TheIDPGuru

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