Ryan's Rants - Installment #6

I find myself finding getting irritated by many things. With that being said, I thought it would be quite cathartic for me to write a series of weekly articles in which I rant about the various things that annoy me.

I know this has nothing really to do with Fantasy Football, but hell, it's my website, I can do what I want.


Here is the 6th installment of "Ryan's Rants" :


1. Word Verification - Website owners are continually looking for new ways to protect their sites from the increasing amount of bots and spammers on the Internet. One of the more popular ways in recent years to accomplish this task is word verification otherwise known as CAPTCHA. Now I understand the reason behind using these "CAPTCHAS"; however, they are a pain in my ass because they are so difficult to read. Often times, I will type in the word incorrectly multiple times. I currently have a CAPTCHA batting average of about .333 which in the game of word verification sucks. Honestly, look at the image below and tell me if you can discern 100% what it says.
CAPTCHA
Granted that image is exaggerated but you get the point. I'm assuming these CAPTCHAS are becoming more difficult to read because the bots they are defending against are getting more intelligent. However, you think they could come up with an easier way to protect website information then this. Just saying.


2. "Bros Icing Bros" -
The phenomenon that is sweeping across the nation: Bros Icing Bros. According to the game's website the rules are simple:

Buy Smirnoff ice, present it to one of your bro’s in any manner, your bro must instantly get on one knee and chug the Smirnoff ice on the spot regardless of setting.

How retarded is this? I first heard about this when some of my friends posted some mobile pics of themselves "icing" each other. Sounds gay right? It is. What is our country coming to?

Update: It now looks as though the "Bros Icing Bros" website has been taken down. For more information, click here. Thanks God!


3. Bob Ross -
I've been sick the last few weeks and have been trouble sleeping late at night. So at about 2am I was watching some TV and came across an old Bob Ross episode of "The Joy of Painting." If you haven't heard of Bob Ross or don't like Bob Ross then there's obviously something wrong with you. This guy is THE MAN. Not only did he have the best white man afro EVER, he was a bomb-ass painter, and had some of the best catchphrases ever.

Here are some classic "Rossisms":

1) "Happy little trees"
2) "We don't have mistakes here, we just have happy accidents."
3) "Beat the devil out of it." (as he whacks his brush vigorously)

Once I get enough money, I'm gonna buy myself an original Bob Ross painting. $5,000 well spent.

Bob Ross


4. One Word Text Responses -
I'm not huge on texting to begin with; don't get me wrong, it has it's place. However, it's heavily abused and people rely on texting so much and have forgot how to actually talk to people. That's for another rant though. My main issue is when I send a detailed text to someone (like my friend Brian) and they respond with a one word response such as "k," "alright," "nice," "sweet," "ok," or the ever-popular "kk." Seriously, how hard is it to send me a somewhat detailed response. It's not that hard.


5. Women and Jim Carrey - I love Jim Carrey. He is hilarious. I remember watching him as "Fire Marshall Bill" on In Living Color growing up. I really don't like to watch movies over and over. However, Jim Carrey comedies are the exception for me (especially his early ones). My top 5 Carrey Comedies (in specific order) are:

1) Ace Ventura - When Nature Calls (1995)

Classic Line:
Fulton Greenwall: Bumbawe Atuna... Bumbawe Atuna...
Ace: Hi there. Nice to see ya. Bumblebee tuna. Bumblebee tuna!
[quickly turns to face one of the natives]
Ace: Ace Ventura, Pet Detective! How are you this afternoon? Alrighty Then!
[turns to another]
Ace: Excuse me, your balls are showing.
[thumbs-up]
Ace: Bumblebee tuna.

2) Dumb and Dumber (1994)


Classic Line:
Lloyd: Excuse me, little old lady. Do you have change for a dollar?
Elderly woman: Change? No I'm sorry, I don't.
Lloyd: Well, can you do me a favor and watch my stuff here while I go break a dollar?
Elderly woman: Of course.
Lloyd: Thanks. Hey, I guess they're right. Senior citizens, although slow and dangerous behind the wheel, can still serve a purpose. I'll be right back. Don't you go dying on me!

3) Ace Venture - Pet Detective (1994)

Classic Line:
[Aguado stomps on a cockroach to provoke Ventura]
Aguado: Homicide, Ventura. Now how ya gonna solve that one?
[everyone laughs]
Ace Ventura: Good question, Aguado. First, I'd establish a motive. In this case the killer saw the size of the bug's DICK, and became insanely jealous.
[everybody "oohs"]
Ace Ventura: Then I'd lose 30 pounds... porkin' his wife!
Aguado: Why you...!
[Aguado charges Ace, but Ace makes him do a face-plant that ends with his face just an inch or so from the dead bug]
Ace Ventura: Now, kiss and make up.

4) Liar, Liar (1997)

Classic Line:
Bum: Got any spare change?
Fletcher: Absolutely!
Bum: Could ya spare some?
Fletcher: Yes I could!
Bum: Will ya?
Fletcher: HMM-MMM!
Bum: How come?
Fletcher: Because I believe you will buy booze with it! I just want to get from my car to the office without being confronted by the decay of western society!... Plus I'm cheap! AHHH!


5) Me, Myself, and Irene (2000)

Classic Line:
Hank Evans: Vagiclean," huh? What's the matter, honey? Little extra cheese on the taco?
Mrs. Bittman: Excuse me?
Hank Evans: No, excuse me. There's no tag on this.
[grabs microphone]
Hank Evans:
Price check on Vagiclean, aisle five. I repeat: price check on Vagiclean, aisle five. That's Vagiclean. We've got a customer down here with a full-on fallopian fungus. She's baking a loaf of bread and I think it's sourdough.

These five movies are comedy classics. Jim Carrey is a master of the physical comedy. Every guy I've talked to agrees with me on this subject. However, it seems like every girl I talk to HATES Jim Carrey. This is probably because women have no taste in movies. But seriously, this one is a dealbreaker for me. If you don't like Jim Carrey, I probably can't date you. It's up there with smoking cigarettes for me.
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3 comments :

Anonymous said...

I agree with you on most of that. I think Jim Carrey played Fire Marshall Bill on "In Living Color," if it makes a difference to you.

Ryan Sitzmann said...

You are correct. He did play Fire Marshall Bill not Fireman Bill. Thanks for reading.

a ji o ji suno ji said...

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